Are you ready for a laugh!
- I Wanna Hold Your Haaaaand!!
John* (name changed to protect the, ahem, innocent) and I ended up going on a late night walk around BYU campus. I kind of liked him and I could tell he kind of liked me. Walking back up to the dorms, we were walking close together and his hand kept brushing mine... over and over and over. When was this guy just going to grab my hand?! It was even impeding my ability to walk straight, so I just up and asked him straight out, "Are you going to hold my hand or what?" He was totally caught off guard and almost unwillingly obliged. Last date we ever had. I guess he didn't like the straight-forward type. ;) ~ Kadi
- Falling on your dates face! As in, your rear falling on his face makes a great story. I went rock climbing on a first and only date with a guy. I didn't help that he didn't know who I was at all. We were at the Quarry in Provo UT and after we had been climbing a while my date took me upstairs to free climb, as in no harness or anything, you just climb. ... He goes up the wall and comes down fine. Then after much coaxing, I get about halfway up the wall when my feet just give out from under me. My date, trying to be nice comes over to help me get my feet back on the wall. Well unfortunately for me, and more unfortunately for him my already tired arms give out at the precise moment his face is beneath my rear. We both fell into a tangled heap and were both pretty embarrassed! ~Ashlee
- My date and I were excited to meet up and go out after a social event. I waited and waited but she never came. I left her a message, texted and even left a message with her roommate at her apartment. I never heard a thing. I pretty much wrote her off. Two weeks later I found out she had caught someone shoplifting and was caught up in a criminal investigation. Ooops. ~Jack Cramer
- I was invited to go "hang out" with a friend who had shown some interest in me. I took the "hang out" as a date... So, I didn't bring any money with me. Once we were together and half way through our "hanging out" I mentioned something about it being a date and he just laughed in my face and said "pshh you think this is a date??" Talk about awkward... Moral of the story: ALWAYS have some spare change with you. ~anonymous
- I saw a boy I was not interested in dating approaching me and I could guess what was coming. Sure enough he was asking me on a date. Well, I was prepared and told him I was very sorry but I already had plans that night. He responded, "But I haven't told you when yet." I was so flustered and embarrassed I just said "Oh,I thought you meant tonight - yes I'm free then" ... ~Jan L.
- The Hand Off
I answered the door to my apartment and found a boy that my roommates and I had all agrees was one fo those desperate senior boys that was also too forward standing there that wanted to talk to my roommate. I told him she was out on a date wtih a boy and that she would not be home for a while. I asked him if he wanted me to tell her something. He pulled out tickets to that night's Star Gazing Activity and told me he had planed to come and ask her to the activity. We then stood in awkward silence for about five minutes and then he asked me if I wanted to go. The only thing that could come to my mind was, "Well, seeing as how I'm your second choice why not?! ~Kelsey
I had known this guy since we were 13, because we were both in an art class together. The first day we met, we wrote love notes back and forth. A few art classes later, while at a waterfall, he kissed my cheek. After that art class, I didn't see him or hear from him for 5 years. Then, when we were both 18, I found him on Facebook, and we started emailing back and forth. We decided to meet up for a date. On our date, we went for a walk and talked. We were both really shy, and I thought he was weird and awkward, so I texted my friend and told her to call me and pretend to be my boss and call me into work early so I wouldn't have to be on the date any longer. She did, and I went home. A year and a half later, he's now my boyfriend. :) ~Megan
- I was walking into Sizzler when my blouse caught on a bush and tour a hole in the back. My date didn't notice, but i didn't want him finding out so i kept sitting in awkward positions at the table. I don't think he ever noticed but it was still embarrassing! ~Krissy Johnston
- In college, a next door neighbor of mine had a date planned with a guy from her dance class. At the last minute, she had something come up and somehow I got conned into going on her date. The guy shows up at my apartment and says he wants to make me dinner. He brought a box of spaghetti and a jar of sauce. Then he tells me that he's not sure how to make it! I thought he was joking, who doesn't know how to make spaghetti!? Well - turns out, this guy. So I make spaghetti while he keeps reminding me that I need to hurry because we can't be late for the on-campus concert that we'll be attending. So, we finish eating and he piles all of our dirty dishes in my sink for me to come home to. Yay! We get to campus and he realizes he forgot the tickets. We drive (by we, I mean I drove - he didn't have a car) back to his apartment. He gets the tickets and on the way back to campus he tells me I'm the OLDEST girl he's ever "dated". Turns out he's a whole 3 months younger than me. We finally make it to the concert (I think it was a college orchestra performance or something). It was only a 2 hour long ordeal, but he gets up and leaves without saying anything 4 times. He's gone for about 15 minutes each time, except for the last time, when he never came back. I finished watching the concert, by myself, and drove myself home. I never saw or heard anything from him. Ever. ~Brook
This one is a little long but it's worth reading.
"best worst date story you'll ever hear"
Rewind to Winter 2009.
How to describe this guy.... Well, he's tan. Aka not from this country. Probably not much taller than 5'6" or 5'7". Dark curly hair that is constantly greasy and dandruffy, giving it the ultimate disgusting-factor. He has bad acne all over his face, and skeleton-bony fingers with loooooooooong yellowy/brown fingernails. And I'm talking REALLY long. Longer than mine at the moment, actually. We have a theory that he doesn't wash his hands. His teeth sort of remind me of a beaver's.... except a whole lot more yellow and brown. It kind of looks like he has braces on, because the plaque has built up so much that it looks like brackets. Yeah, that bad. We have another theory that he doesn't brush his teeth. And that one is a little more substantial. His roommates have never found his toothbrush. Sick, right?
Oh, and he was 24. Living in the Freshman on-campus dorms.
Wrong on SO many levels.
And I also have a personal theory that he is physically incapable of using contractions like don't or can't.
So we first met him at various ward activities. He was veeeeeery outgoing, especially with the ladyfolk, and always had his hi-tech video camera equipment. Because he was making a documentary of the year.
And of course, when we were assigned FHE groups, guess who's apartment we were assigned to? Guess who got to be one of my lovely children?!
He would often come to girl's apartments within our ward, at all hours of the day, proposing the most awkward situations. For example, we had a situation much like this...
*Time and date have been changed for security reasons... Or because I don't remember.
Boy: Hello, is Kenna here?
Haley: Oh no, she's not here right now. She went to the library to study. **The truthfulness of this statement has yet to be determined
Boy: Oh, well, she said she would be here... More incoherent mumbling to himself... Well what are you doing right now? Do you want to go on a date?
And this happened to LOTS of girls in our ward.
So within our hall, we all had our classic Boy stories to tell. Everyone knew who he was, had been asked out at least once, and none of us had said yes.
While I was being his friendly mother, he had other ideas. That was when the offers started again. But this time he was more selective. He only asked me. He asked like 5 or 6 times, and I always found some totally bogus excuse not to go out with him.
So then my beloved roommate played the pity card.. And she feels bad about it now. But she said that I 'should go out with him, just once, because he's been rejected SO many times, by basically every girl he's ever met, and he needs just one thing to go right in his life. Besides, he's been super depressed lately.' Or something like that (and that wasn't a direct quote)
So I called him back that Monday. He planned the date for Friday night/afternoon. All week I was dreading Friday. But Friday came. We sat in his apartment and watched Dirty Dancing. It's a cute movie, definitely a girls'-night-in movie, not a date movie, and especially not a first-date-I-don't-really-know-you-or-like-you-for-that-matter movie. [This is where it started getting bad] He kept laughing at all the super inappropriate and awkward parts. Then he tried to put his arm around me, but he just kept it on the back of the couch behind me so I left it alone. At one point he stroked my cheek with the back of his hand and said, "You're really pretty". I cautiously laughed and sort of ignored the comment because I was thoroughly creeped out. Then later, I had my hands folded in my lap, twiddling my thumbs, and he reached over, grabbed my thumb and started violently caressing it to the point that it bruised a couple hours afterwards. My nails were painted purple at the time and he said something like, "Your-nails-are-purple-Do-you-like-purple?-Is-purple-your-favorite-color?" all in one breath. I kinda shrugged that one off too and kept my hands under my legs and in my armpits for the rest of the movie. At another point during the movie, his roommate Spencer came in, and he got up off the couch, left to talk to Spencer, and when he came back, Spencer had left again. I have no idea what Boy said, but I was seriously worried.
**I found out later that he had asked Spencer to leave and had proceeded to lock their front door when he left. So from that point on, no one would have been able to get in to their apartment to save me from the rapist/serial killer I was on a date with.
So the movie finally ended. I tried to come up with any excuse I could to get out of there. But I'd told him I needed to be somewhere at 6:30pm, and it was only 6pm... Then he said, "Oh, but, um, we just watched a dancing movie, don't you want to have a dance?" I politely declined, but he would NOT take no for an answer. So we ended up dancing to "The Time of My Life" by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes, the song at the end of Dirty Dancing. He kept trying to samba like they do in the end of the movie, but he looked ridiculous, so I kept bouncing back and forth, really making fun of him but just acting like an idiot. He was laughing and said, "I'm glad you are having so much fun". But he obviously didn't get it. Then there's another part in the movie, which, if you've ever seen it or seen like a poster for it or anything, it's the part when he's behind her, and her arm is up, and he's like caressing her arm/armpit/side. In the movie she just laughs over and over again because it tickles. But it's like this super-sensual-totally-awkward thing. And yes, of course, he tried to do it. He kept on like forcing me to put my arm up and I was like fighting him, not knowing what the heck he was trying to do, then he said, "You know, like the movie!" Pretty sure I stiffened up like a board. Oh, and he was singing the song throughout the entire dance, really close up in on my face and very much in my personal space. I looked anywhere other than him, out the window, at the pictures on his wall, at my feet, into his kitchen, down the hallway, at the couch, literally anywhere that I could. Just not at him.
So the song ended, but now only like three minutes had passed and I was still trying to weasel my way out of the most awkward situation of my life. This time, he practically barricaded the door so I couldn't leave. This time, he said, "Oh, well see, I got a karaoke machine because I know that you like to sing because it says so on your Facebook and there is a music video of you and your sister singing on Facebook." Yeah, um, problem. It's mildly okay to stalk people on Facebook, but this, my friends, was not. So he pulled out the dumb machine, and picked "Summer Lovin'" from Grease. Okay, REALLY?! Yes really. I sang it, but with very minimal inflection or pronunciation or emotion or movement or anything. It was the lamest/most boring/monotonous performance I've ever given, and my eyes never left the TV. He, on the other hand, was waltzing around the room looking like a whirling dervish hopping on couches while simultaneously serenading me and putting on a one man reenactment of the entire movie. There was one part in which he was pelvic thrusting during the song. Yes this is a true story I swear.
I cannot even describe the amount of discomfort/fear/confusion/terror I felt then. But I think I was in shock because I didn't leave! The song finally ended after he spent the last few measures of the song serenading me once again at an uncomfortably close distance from my face. Whew. It was over. I forced myself to give him a very small smile. Then he literally threw himself on to me in the strangest, most frightening bear hug I've ever experienced. Everyone that I've reenacted it to has either jumped or screamed or both. It's SO much better if I demonstrate in person.
Then I left.